Excuses for Every Day Use

When I worked my “normal” 8-6 job as a project manager (then HR manager), I was delivered some pretty entertaining and far-fetched excuses for why people didn’t show up to work or weren’t done with their work on time. But, I have to say, my toddler has one-upped them all with her creative knack for excuse-making.

I have taken a few of my favorite excuses and have tried to translate them into every day use. You are welcome in advance.

FullSizeRender-21. “I’m too big.”

Toddler use: “I can’t take a nap; I’m too big.”

Everyday use:  Sometimes certain things are just beneath you. “I can’t take that meeting. I’m too important.” Try it. I’m sure it will win friends.

2. “I’m too small.”

Toddler use: “I can’t use the potty; I’m too small.” Sometimes, it’s just best to admit you aren’t ready to be big yet. Even if the world expects to be.

Everyday use: “Sorry, I can’t pay the mortgage. I’m not ready yet.” Bills aren’t fun. And, who am I to judge whether or not you are old enough to pay them. So what if you are in your 30’s and have a steady job. Parting with money (and, apparently diapers) is hard.

3. “I can’t. My wing is wet, and I can’t fly.”

Toddler use: “I can’t eat that green thing on my plate; my wing is wet, and I can’t fly.” This one is pretty ingenious because it goes so far off the beaten path that no one can question it. Maybe she secretly does have wings?

Everyday use: Just make up the most random thing that pops into your brain. No one can question it if it sounds too crazy. For instance, “I can’t stay late tonight. I’m surfing in Arizona.” What does that even mean?!

4. “My toe hurts.”

Toddler use: “I can’t go to sleep; my toe hurts.”

Everyday use: Sometimes the smallest pain can have the largest effect. Like, how are you really supposed to concentrate with a paper cut? Or a bug bite? I know I can’t. Feel free to steal this excuse next time you are supposed to do something that requires concentration. Need to crunch those numbers? No way, Jose! Your toe hurts. Laundry needs folding? Really?! Could you do THAT with a paper cut?

5. “No, it’s Buddy’s turn!

Toddler use: “I can’t clean my room; it’s Buddy’s turn.” It’s like the toddler version of saying, “I’ll take one for the team and sit this one out.” But, for something that no one really wants to do. It’s sheer genius, really.

Everyday use: The sky is the limit for this excuse. Allow others around you to step up to the plate. It’s only fair. “I can’t write the report; it’s Bill’s turn.” “Tammy never gets to clean the kitchen. She should get to do that.” Be creative.

If the excuses above don’t work, just smile and say something cute. Then have a fit of laughter. At least, that’s what Lillian recommends.

Silver Linings and Sleepless Nights

Lillian has never been a good sleeper. And, yes, we tried [insert any book, method, or schedule you can think of here]. And, after struggling for almost two years to get her to nap, go to bed on time, and sleep all the way through the night, I can (strangely enough) say that I am glad we never won this battle.

Now, I’m not saying that it wouldn’t have been nice to erase those sleepless or restless nights or that we shouldn’t have tried a little harder. I have some under eye circles and crow’s feet that would beg to differ. However, I do think that it has made this transition from one to two much easier.

I expected constant, mind-numbing exhaustion this time around. I mean, a toddler and a newborn?! Come on! I probably wouldn’t be able to shave my legs for at least a year, much less put on makeup or change out of sweats (and, for the record, I have been able to do all three…at least once). Sure, I definitely have moments that I just want to cry into my thrice-reheated coffee, and I always collapse happily into bed. But, quite contrary to my assumptions of what life with two under two would look like, I have not succumb to utter exhaustion (at least yet…knock on wood).

It’s as if sleeplessness somehow became the norm over the last two years. And, since Lucas is waking up at least every two to three hours for a snack (the kid rarely eats for more than 5-10 minutes…which is both annoying and nice), I am happy that my body doesn’t have to once again re-adjust to not having a full night’s rest.

Call it the silver lining of the less-than-fun parts of parenthood. And, I hope to find and appreciate more of these silver linings in the hours, days, months and years to come. Because, as I have already become painfully aware, this season of life flies by much too fast. So, I might as well enjoy the crazy ride ;).