Sleep is for Dads

You know the drill, mom of young kiddos. You are staring down the 5th (or more) sleep-deprived day in a row. But you soldier on, through the runny noses, spilled juice, spilled milk, spilled unidentified liquid (or did someone wipe her nose on the couch?), and you survive. Then Daddy comes home and asks what’s for dinner. And the tears pour down your face. And he knows it’s his turn for the night shift.

You are thankful for the help. So, so thankful. Even though you know that tomorrow he will be exhausted–more exhausted than anyone has ever been before. It will take him weeks to recover. There is no way that you, mom, would be able to understand the utter exhaustion he will be feeling. “It’s different,” he’ll say. And, you’ll roll your eyes.

But, in the back of your mind, you know it’s true. Sleep is for Dads. Coffee is for moms. And you need somewhere to put said coffee. What better place than in your very own “Sleep is for Dads” mug. Which, conveniently for you, are now stocked in the blog “store” (I use the quotation marks because there is currently only one product). Snag yours now until 10/31 for 20% off with the code SLEEP20!

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Cookie does not come with the mug. But, go ahead and grab yourself a treat to go along with your much needed coffee! No judgment here!

Why I Exist: A Blog’s Perspective

Hi, friends! Have you ever wondered why there are so many words floating around on the internet? So many click-throughs and just pointless articles? Me, too. I hope that never happens here. I hope that your precious time spent perusing through my pages is not time wasted.

FullSizeRenderAs a blog, I am going through a transitional period. Most of my posts are dedicated to two adorable tiny humans, Lillian and Lucas, and the lessons that they help teach their mother, “Mom, Mom, Moooooom, Momma, Mommy” formerly known as Rachel. And, let’s face it, most of them will probably continue doing so, because those kiddos are just so adorable and motherhood is so ripe with lessons (for the adults, not just the kiddos).

But, I hope to grow past just showing off these two precious little souls, and provide a place of encouragement, laughter, and resource to others (even, gasp, non-parents). In the coming months, you will see new pages being added, which will include recipes, reviews, life hacks, and maybe even a (super duper tiny) online shop. I’m pretty excited about this next step, and I hope you will come along and join me as I grow.

It is my genuine hope that, as you glance through my posts, you are encouraged (or, at the very least humored). And, if that isn’t happening, then I am not serving my purpose.

All the Best,

H + P

(aka, Rachel)

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My little blogger-in-training

Excuses for Every Day Use

When I worked my “normal” 8-6 job as a project manager (then HR manager), I was delivered some pretty entertaining and far-fetched excuses for why people didn’t show up to work or weren’t done with their work on time. But, I have to say, my toddler has one-upped them all with her creative knack for excuse-making.

I have taken a few of my favorite excuses and have tried to translate them into every day use. You are welcome in advance.

FullSizeRender-21. “I’m too big.”

Toddler use: “I can’t take a nap; I’m too big.”

Everyday use:  Sometimes certain things are just beneath you. “I can’t take that meeting. I’m too important.” Try it. I’m sure it will win friends.

2. “I’m too small.”

Toddler use: “I can’t use the potty; I’m too small.” Sometimes, it’s just best to admit you aren’t ready to be big yet. Even if the world expects to be.

Everyday use: “Sorry, I can’t pay the mortgage. I’m not ready yet.” Bills aren’t fun. And, who am I to judge whether or not you are old enough to pay them. So what if you are in your 30’s and have a steady job. Parting with money (and, apparently diapers) is hard.

3. “I can’t. My wing is wet, and I can’t fly.”

Toddler use: “I can’t eat that green thing on my plate; my wing is wet, and I can’t fly.” This one is pretty ingenious because it goes so far off the beaten path that no one can question it. Maybe she secretly does have wings?

Everyday use: Just make up the most random thing that pops into your brain. No one can question it if it sounds too crazy. For instance, “I can’t stay late tonight. I’m surfing in Arizona.” What does that even mean?!

4. “My toe hurts.”

Toddler use: “I can’t go to sleep; my toe hurts.”

Everyday use: Sometimes the smallest pain can have the largest effect. Like, how are you really supposed to concentrate with a paper cut? Or a bug bite? I know I can’t. Feel free to steal this excuse next time you are supposed to do something that requires concentration. Need to crunch those numbers? No way, Jose! Your toe hurts. Laundry needs folding? Really?! Could you do THAT with a paper cut?

5. “No, it’s Buddy’s turn!

Toddler use: “I can’t clean my room; it’s Buddy’s turn.” It’s like the toddler version of saying, “I’ll take one for the team and sit this one out.” But, for something that no one really wants to do. It’s sheer genius, really.

Everyday use: The sky is the limit for this excuse. Allow others around you to step up to the plate. It’s only fair. “I can’t write the report; it’s Bill’s turn.” “Tammy never gets to clean the kitchen. She should get to do that.” Be creative.

If the excuses above don’t work, just smile and say something cute. Then have a fit of laughter. At least, that’s what Lillian recommends.

“Fight For Your Right to Be Held” by Lucas Alexander (the Great)

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Lucas wrote a song for all his baby buddies (to the tune of “Fight for Your Right” by the Beastie Boys), and he wants to share it with the world. So, here it is:

 

“Fight For Your Right to Be Held” by Lucas Alexander (the Great):

 

Kick it!

 

You wake up late at night, man you are all alone.

You cry you mom, please?, but she still says, no!

You messed two diapers, spit up on your shirt

But your mom puts you back to bed; Is she some kind of jerk?

 

You gotta fight for your right to be held!

 

Your pop caught you whining, and he said, no way!

That hypocrite gives in to Sister every day.

Man, this play mat is such a bore

Now your mom insists on tummy time at four (bust it!)

 

You gotta fight for your right to be held!

You gotta cry!

 

Now her pajamas are starting to look like the clothes she wears.

She doesn’t need to bathe or attempt to fix her hair.

Your mom busted in and said, what’s that noise?

Aw, mom, come on, pick up and hold your boy!

 

You gotta fight for your right to be held!

You gotta fight for your right to be held!

 

Just cry!

Just cry!

Toddler Stylings by Lillian: Quick and Easy Makeup Tips That Will Wow!

Putting on your makeup shouldn’t take long. There are, after all, cartoons to be watched, cuddles to be had and rooms to be destroyed. But, it does take some finesse to efficiently apply the perfect face.

In this quick lesson, I will teach you how to really “glam it up” in less time than it takes Mom to change baby brother’s diaper.

Step 1. Don’t head for Mom’s makeup drawer. I know that’s where you were going. And, while Mom’s lip gloss might work for every day occasions, if you are really looking to go glam, then head for the craft drawer. That’s right, the craft drawer. Now pick out the brightest marker you can find.

Step 2. Open the marker.

Step 3. Apply marker to your lips. Then, apply marker around your lips for that extra pizzazz. Don’t forget your cheeks. You don’t want them feeling left out.

Voila, you have the perfect look. Go show Mom. She’s probably just zipping up baby brother’s onesie. Her amazement of your beauty will be worth it all.

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Step 4. You are probably thinking that after creating the perfect look, you are done. But, NO! Don’t fall prey to such naivety. The marker must be destroyed! To truly be glam, no look can be repeated. To accomplish this, simply pick out the marker tip and tear it in to tiny pieces, taking care to spread it across the floor. This will ensure that no adult can simply put it back together.

Stay tuned for more Toddler Stylings by Lillian. Next time we will be discussing tips for redecorating your play area…and the rest of the house.