When I worked my “normal” 8-6 job as a project manager (then HR manager), I was delivered some pretty entertaining and far-fetched excuses for why people didn’t show up to work or weren’t done with their work on time. But, I have to say, my toddler has one-upped them all with her creative knack for excuse-making.
I have taken a few of my favorite excuses and have tried to translate them into every day use. You are welcome in advance.
1. “I’m too big.”
Toddler use: “I can’t take a nap; I’m too big.”
Everyday use: Sometimes certain things are just beneath you. “I can’t take that meeting. I’m too important.” Try it. I’m sure it will win friends.
2. “I’m too small.”
Toddler use: “I can’t use the potty; I’m too small.” Sometimes, it’s just best to admit you aren’t ready to be big yet. Even if the world expects to be.
Everyday use: “Sorry, I can’t pay the mortgage. I’m not ready yet.” Bills aren’t fun. And, who am I to judge whether or not you are old enough to pay them. So what if you are in your 30’s and have a steady job. Parting with money (and, apparently diapers) is hard.
3. “I can’t. My wing is wet, and I can’t fly.”
Toddler use: “I can’t eat that green thing on my plate; my wing is wet, and I can’t fly.” This one is pretty ingenious because it goes so far off the beaten path that no one can question it. Maybe she secretly does have wings?
Everyday use: Just make up the most random thing that pops into your brain. No one can question it if it sounds too crazy. For instance, “I can’t stay late tonight. I’m surfing in Arizona.” What does that even mean?!
4. “My toe hurts.”
Toddler use: “I can’t go to sleep; my toe hurts.”
Everyday use: Sometimes the smallest pain can have the largest effect. Like, how are you really supposed to concentrate with a paper cut? Or a bug bite? I know I can’t. Feel free to steal this excuse next time you are supposed to do something that requires concentration. Need to crunch those numbers? No way, Jose! Your toe hurts. Laundry needs folding? Really?! Could you do THAT with a paper cut?
5. “No, it’s Buddy’s turn!”
Toddler use: “I can’t clean my room; it’s Buddy’s turn.” It’s like the toddler version of saying, “I’ll take one for the team and sit this one out.” But, for something that no one really wants to do. It’s sheer genius, really.
Everyday use: The sky is the limit for this excuse. Allow others around you to step up to the plate. It’s only fair. “I can’t write the report; it’s Bill’s turn.” “Tammy never gets to clean the kitchen. She should get to do that.” Be creative.
If the excuses above don’t work, just smile and say something cute. Then have a fit of laughter. At least, that’s what Lillian recommends.